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SubscribeTour day schmalz Stage 20
Mon, 07/30/2007 - 3:12am by schmalz
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Stage 3
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Stage 20Stage 20
The Tour ends today. Usually this is a depressing thought for me every year, but this year it’s a relief. I just cannot take another day of anticipating the possible news that might pop up. I’m tired, and I’m glad it’s over.
I’ve been watching the Tour since Lemond’s first win, and I can’t remember a race that wore me out as much as this one. Between the doping controversies and the bickering between the ASO and UCI, I’ve just had enough. It seems like my favorite sport is dead set on putting itself into the crapper.
It seems like a good time to say our goodbyes for this Tour.
Goodbye to Razzy. A complete dick. I really don’t know where to start with Razzy. He was a classless leader whose teammates could barely stomach working for him. He could care less about anyone except for himself, and was willing to piss allover the reputation of the Tour and the sport. Catapult yourself from cycling. I hope one day to order a burger from you.
Goodbye to Vino. I’m so glad you decided to go “old school” and run to the blood bank to try and revive your Tour hopes. Every victory and attack you’ve ever made are now suspect. You’ve flushed your reputation down the crapper, and you are starting to say there’s a conspiracy afoot in regard to your positive test. I look forward to your 12 months of useless litigation.
Goodbye to the ASO/UCI bickering. Um, guys, hello? No one gives a crap who runs the races! Figure it out and shut up! Quit calling each other out in the press. Get behind closed doors and dance fight or Jello wrestle or do whatever it takes to get this worked out.
Goodbye to the perma-tenth of Chistophe Moreau. France’s great hope for the last 10 years fell to 37th this year. Adieu, brave Cristophe!
Goodbye to the US sports media, who are for the most part, clueless about the Tour. They guffaw about how little they care about the race and then only pay attention to the Tour when it gives then the opportunity to hop on their high horses about doping. Well, they can jump up and bite me where the urine leaks my body, because guess what? We actually kick the cheaters and doper sout of our sport! Enjoy watching the home run record of the eminently classy Henry Aaron get surpassed by a guy whose hat and shoe sizes have INCREASED in his adult years, hmmm, nothing fishy there!
Goodbye to the endlessly replayed spots: “Born from Jets”, erectile dysfunction, DR Chipper, I will watch you all in my personal hell.
I so used to fast forwarding through Al Trautwig’ and Bob Roll, that if I ever actually meet then, I will expect to see them herk and jerk like I’m TIVO-ing right past them.
So, will Cadel try and get some time back today? Some think he might pull a “gentlemen’s agreement” thing and not contest the time bonuses, but that would just be preposterous. The race is still going on! He still has a chance. Ask Fignon how it feels to just miss winning the Tour. Cadel doesn’t want to go back to his tiny little house and ask himself, “What if?” Best to try everything you can, instead of living the regret of not trying.
Disco will of course be covering absolutely everything.
We’re at the start and the Boner is in green – so he can put a check in that box on his resume. He can also put a check next to “was the subject of a crap techno song” also.
We have two sprint bonuses today on the road, with 6, 4 and 2 second bonuses. Will Levi try and “Vino” Cadel and move up to second on GC? Will Cadel try and actually win the race? Will Predictor get confused when they have to lead out a different miniature Australian?
We are subjected to the full tedium that is the entire last stage of the Tour. Is there any event that starts and finishes duller than the Tour? Next year, let’s have a mountain top finish at the end! Perhaps they can build a Col out of smelly cheese in Paris for the stage?
Nothing going on yet, just Chateaus and horses. The sprint point is where the doping lab for the Tour is located; they leak the sprint winner early, of course.
A George Hincapie interview. Oy, Oakley is making these guys look like fools with the glasses they’ve been giving out. And of course, Paul just mentions that the geek goggles are for a charitable cause – expect that charity to soon disappear.
They show Levi’s car ride that cost him 10 seconds and second place. Mmmm. Spite.
Cadel interview. He plays it cool as to whether he’ll contest the bonus sprints. Yes, of course you’ll attack, Cadel, sure.
They interview VDV, he’s going to Slipstream next year along with David Millar. David can’t wait to get an argyle cod piece.
Cadel should be attacking now. He should be attacking in the hotel, in the bathroom, at the sign in, everywhere possible.
Drunk clown by the side of the road. I just always assume clowns are drunk, if you were a clown, would you be sober?
Steegmans takes the mountain points and takes the cash prize, that will buy the Boner a floor mat for his Bentley. It will force Agritubel to sleep head to toe in their Paris hostel tonight.
A little rain out there today. Frankie shows us a team car, where do they keep the mousse?
We’re still in the “smile and wave” section of the Tour. If Toto were here, he would be shamelessly hogging the moto shots – Lord, I miss him.
They’re dumping all the unseen Frankie spots, he just chugged the team bus toilet chemicals on a bet.
We’ll soon see if Cadel plans on racing today. Quick Step out front, working for Contador.
They should do a recap of the best shots of roadside idiots hitting the dirt running alongside the race.
Here comes the first sprint, Cadel not contesting. Way to go down swinging. Bernard Hinault just spit on a podium girl in disgust.
If it comes down to a sprint, will Zabel finish second? Will Cadel sue him?
Contador having champagne, attack, Cadel!
60K to go, getting to Paris now. Disco riding at the front of the race.
Here they are, onto the Champs. George leading Disco. You can almost hear Cadel whimper from here.
Nothing going on until 37K to go.
Bichot from Agritubel attacks, as his DS has promised to try and get them into Barloworld’s post Tour party if they win.
Horner attacks in the gutter. He gets pulled back. Valverde jumps – remember him?
Bichot caught - looks like Agritubel will be serving shrimp skewers at the Disco party tonight.
Hopefully they have that same “sprint cam” on the Champs again this year. That footage of Thor SMASHING last year was awesome.
Lance is in the announcing water closet with Phil and Paul.
There’s a break away – no one compelling except for Flecha. Cadel still hasn’t attacked. Why did I bother to think he would?
The intermediate sprint bonus has passed. Hinault looks disgustedly at the TV monitor.
I would love to see Flecha win today. Apparently Lance does too. Tempted to say this might the first thing I know we agree about, besides our shared love for 80’s Frisbee head bands.
It’s a little wet out. The gap is coming down. 10-ish k to go.
For some reason we see George and Levi spotlights.
It seems that the power might’ve gone out – was Razzy near the power cords?
Lampre working for Bennati with 1k to go. Cadel crying on Horner’s shoulder.
Could be a Thor SMASH day. C’mon Thor!
Thor sitting third SMASH!
Hunter jumps on the left. Bennati goes and moves Thor SMASH off of his line! Bastard!
He barely beats Thor SMASH!
Contador wins the Tour. Cadel follows. Oy.
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Well, neglecting to show Vino and Razzy's wins in highlight footage is understandable. The operative word is "highlight"....and praising these guys to the heavens followed by the gutstomp of the drug bust is no highlight.
About Mayo....maybe he needed the EPO to put up with the indigity of having to wear the pointy-crotched kit.
for Cadel? Stop bagging the wee man, he's done well. It's slightly inaccurate to have him backed up by the Crapbag Players, at times he looked more like a solo artist out there. I didn't like his "poor me" comments but if there is no increase in respect I'll stab you in the heart with the jagged end of one of his collarbones.
Was how the Vs commentators totally avoided Vinokourov's and Rasmussen's stage wins when discussing the highlights of the three weeks on the final day wrap-up. As if the TdF was really only the final time trial and nothing more.
Go back and watch the reruns. They called those victories on the day as epic, historic throw-downs by men possessed, heroic efforts to stay in the race and assert dominance.
The distance to pro wrestling grows shorter and shorter.
Wasn't it odd that the subject of doping never came up with Lance in the studio?
...maybe thats what Paul Phil and Lance needed to get out of the VS port-o-potty studio
Why dope is you're going to suck...
oh yeah: Dopers Suck.
..until all the doping controls are done.. Apparantly, with today's news of Mayo's EPO positive, we are only up to the July 24 rest day. We'll see how Contador's amazing time trail for a Saiz pupil, Once/Liberty Segueros alumnus, holds up... Christ, for that matter, we still don't have a 2006 winner.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/other_sports/cycling/6923325.stm
http://www.velonews.com/photo/html/photo605.html
Great last post - perfect summary of all of our disappointment with this thing, mostly focused on the stupid organizers and the even more inane denials of riders with no honor that cant even admit it when they are caught 'red-blood-celled'. I think Ill go just ride my bike...or test drive a Saab at my local dealer.
http://www.pbase.com/graspnext/image/81944270
schmalz, good stuff throughout the tour. funny as hell, of course, but you've also totally captured the ambivalence that most of us are feeling about this event, the participants and organizers, and the higher levels of the sport in general. the race was (or could have been) pretty compelling at times, but it's also pretty tough to give a sh*t when so many of the major players are cheats, backstabbers, etc... anyway, here's to next year.
Read an old article about a day in the life of Levi's wife here
http://trac-trac.blogspot.com/2007/07/spoiler.html
TdS, TdS!
what were those boxy thingys the discovery team was carrying up to the podium? boxed wine? money? a french phone book?
for the Tds race reports...it was the only thing that got me through the tour, besides now knowing what was causing my ED
tds ended today, genius.
and more local racers and racing. Anyone at Toona, Toekeneke? Maybe Superweek?
So she actually works for him? Doing what? Reaching for things?
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Greg Lemond is a big fat pussy!
Sorry, I just can't stand the whinning anymore.
Greg Lemond is a big fat pussy!
Sorry, I just can't stand the whinning anymore.
Greg Lemond is a big fat pussy!
Sorry, I just can't stand the whinning anymore.
this ruins my day. I don't even feel like drinking.
I second the Mike M comment "Florida Evans style"
damn, damn, damn. damn.
...In Mennonite country. (anyone say Outcast? - maybe he's already achieved that status)
If he calls a press conference and starts crying, he might become a French national hero, though.
damn you floyd for making me love you
Maybe they had to re-calibrate the machines because this winner has twice the balls of the last winner? Thank you, I'll be here all week...
ladies and gentlemen, your 2006 tour de france champ.......Oscare Pereiro!
So what WAS in that beer, Floyd?
Here it goes:
Phonak confirms Landis positive
The Phonak team has confirmed the speculation that Floyd Landis returned a positive A sample after his win in stage 17 of the Tour de France. "The Phonak Cycling Team was notified yesterday by the UCI about an unusual level of Testosterone/Epitestosterone ratio in the test made on Floyd Landis after stage 17 of the Tour de France," said the team in a statement. "The team management and the rider were both totally surprised of this physiological result.
"The rider will ask in the upcoming days for the counter analysis to prove either that this result is coming from a natural process or that this is resulting from a mistake in the confirmation. In application of the Pro Tour Ethical Code, the rider will not race anymore until this problem is totally clear.
"If the result of the B sample analysis confirms the result of the A sample, the rider will be dismissed and will then pass the corresponding endocrinological examinations."
Congrats Pereiro ... and Sastre on getting on the podium
After the UCI announced yesterday that one rider had an A sample positive in the 2006 Tour de France, there has been strong speculation about the identity of the rider. The UCI will not confirm the name of the rider until the B sample results come back, but that could be within the week.
say it ain't so, Flo, say it ain't so ...
Mandrapa, I remember that interview with Lance speaking about George's GC chances. Your're right, he almost kinda giggles a bit then he catches himself and puts on his serious face. I laugh when I see that.
Floyd on Leno. I think tonite - not sure.
What's floyd doing on jeopardy,
shouldn't he be training....
http://news.aol.com/entertainment/tv/articles/_a/jeopardy-champ-ken-jenn...
with leipheimer at least they get the 6 months of good publicity hyping him up as a possible tour contender BEFORE the tour. Look what they managed to do with georgie and the tour this year, even lance could barely keep a straight face talking about his chances to win the thing outright.
Vino will stay with Astana...it's going to be a mostly-Kazakhstani (Iglisnky, Muravyov, Kaschechkin, Basayes, Iglinsky's little brother, all the Capec guys who were out at Qinghai lake) trade team in the future.
Take a look at the Results calender for Levi and the best placed Disco rider up till now. Levi would be a nice fit i think. His TT in the Tour of Calif. was pretty good. There are a few Gerolsteiner riders that Disco cant touch but the all in all I think he'll perform a bit better with Johan.
Bobby Julich also has a penchant for the hops and Barley as well. Heard in an interview that after a hard race he'll swig a brew as the neo-pro's look @ him dumbfounded. Check out the Bobby J interview @ the TOC - cycling.tv
IMO Leipheimer does zero for Discovery. Unless of course he is riding support for someone bigger in TDF.
Actually...this is a good move for Levi. I'd like to see'em crush the Duetchland tour in Discovery colors.
Cyclingnews.com-Levi Leipheimer is leaving the Gerolsteiner team at the end of the season, and will sign for Discovery Channel, which is expected to confirm this later today.
sounds like he's still very open to getting a serious pay raise.
from this morning's velonews:
Landis is also currently engaged in contract negotiations for the coming season and said he expects to have announcement regarding his plans for next year within two weeks.
"That's still up in the air, but it should be settled within the next week or two," he said. "I'm quite happy with my current situation and the most likely scenario is that I stay where I am."
His former teammate, seven-time Tour winner Lance Armstrong, who is a part owner of the Discovery Channel cycling team was quoted this week as saying he would welcome Landis's return to the U.S. team, a possibility Landis did not dismiss.
"I have spoken with them, over the past few months, even before the Tour," Landis said. "There was never a formal offer one way or the other. Whether I would or wouldn't, I don't have any kind of problem with going back. I've been in communication with Lance. I saw him at the race - on the Alpe d'Huez stage - and we've sent messages back-and-forth in the meantime... but there haven't been any formal contract talks.
"Right now I'm trying to sort things out with my current team," Landis said. "I'm happy here and I think we have a formula that works. Again, nothing against (Discovery) but I'm proud of the team I'm on."
Floyd has already all out said that he was happy where he is in an interview with Franky. Floyd would never go back to Disco.
There was lots of bruhaha about Vino going to Disco but I've read that Vino is puttin together a Kazak squad. I'm not sure who the DS would be but it was remarked that he would run the team upon his retirement.
There is a headline about all 9 Phonak riders resigning with Phonak on cyclingnews.com. I don't think Floyd would go back to Disco after what he has accomplished with Phonak.
LL to disco and the only real question should be
Who would win in a fist fight:
Little Tommy Danielson (don't forget, he's "young")
OR
Little Levi Leipheimer (he's like, bald and stuff).
In a related announcement, Johan named Tom D. to Disco's '07 tour squad. Reached for comment Keith Bontrager verified that TD's capable of riding a small enough bike to hand it over to Levi's when the Trek inevitable fork snap occurs during next year's Alpine climbs.
N.b. Floyd's contract could have a buyout provision.
when did floyd extend his contract?
Phonak's Tour riders extend contracts
All nine Phonak riders at the Tour de France have extended their contracts with the Swiss team...Floyd Landis (1 year)
I'd place good money it's Floyd, would just work too perfectly. My guess is they're willing to throw 2x the money anybody else would at him, inspirational american tour winner??? Come on, they won the lance bidding war, do they really want some weird guy from kazakhstan who seems like he's in up to his waist with a bunch of foreign dopers...anyway, there was talk during the tour about floyd going over to disco, my guess is in this case where there's smoke there really is fire.
Disco to make an announcement tomorrow re: aquisition.... Vino anyone?
b
Floyd should race Floyd.
why am i nervous?
Yes, it was. You'll receive a 'royalty' soon.
i bought your floyd t-shirt. but that was totally my idea.
I was keeping me eyes peeled for the Lance interview where he explains how to chase down guys with whom you are in the midst of legal proceedings. I must have missed it.
latest word - Rolf Aldag might be DS'n the T-Mo show nxt season. Wow!
Trying to figure out if DNA will clear Basso. He's been very low-profile lately. Lance's podium compadre's of 05' - juice'n.
Maybe now that the Tour is over you should make one of those phony myspace profiles for Thor.
Great commentary!! Thanks for many great laughs during this tour! Peace
From his TDF newsletter
"Solid tour bodes well for Discovery Channel's Future"
By Chris Carmichael
BS..................................................................
The side shot sprint cam was the coolest sprint footage Ive ever seen. Its like the camera is going for the win as well!
Who started the podium offspring celebration? Luv kids but it was a bit annoying. Raz tried putting on his KOM jersey while holding his kid - ridiculous! George & Popo show did go waaaay to early.
I hear Steegmans is going to Quickstep - if true, that sucks for Robbie nxt yr.
Versus will be stupid and unwatched. Back to cycling.tv thankyou. Question, was Ventura ridin a Cannondale in that TT recon footage?
Nice job DS. You had many moments.
No. If Landis wins the giro, then he be Pink Floyd
I wear it when I want to feel pretty.
T-Mobile has stated emphatically (And I'm not kidding) that the team color is MAGENTA.
If Landis joins T-Mobile, would he be Pink Floyd?
Ag2r is clearly "derelicte"
nice job, schmalz. what a tour.
Great job this year Schmalz and it's only fitting that your "Mancrush" of all mancrushes Smashed today. I was hoping they would have the presentation of the Green "Thor will smash" tee. You called it right on Toto. He was up there in the front with "Guns" a blazin'. I do have to take issue with Moreau's look. It was certainly not "Blue Steel". Remember he's French. He look was unmistakeably "Le Tigre"
Razzy would have been doing a heck of lot better if they had put flat bars on his TT bike. He'll be the first one to rock a riser bar and bar-end in a tour time trial.
This is as good as it gets!
Epilady!
The whole Flecha vs. Salvatore (Graduate of the Richard Virenque 'Do it for the Chicks' school of cycling) Commesso thing was awesome! Our only hope is that they both decide to do the Vuelta and the Worlds. Good thing we have Commesso in the Peloton. How would any of our junior riders learn how to properly tan since Mario (Dean of the Richard Virenque 'Do it for the Chicks' school of cycling) Cipollini retired.
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